Way 4: Influence

According to my "To Do" list, I was supposed to have written this entry yesterday.  But sometimes my mind needs time to wrap itself around an idea before I can put it down.

The idea of influence is, for me, a bit daunting.  It's one of those subjects that seems so obvious, so far reaching and yet so confined.  You may not know what I mean, and if not, I can't help you.  I just feel this way about certain things, especially when asked to teach or write about them.

Just yesterday I called a good friend and left her a voice mail to make her laugh.  Interestingly it was full of phrases and tone that about 3 years ago would have sounded like someone else.  You know who?  My husband.

 Even though we have been friends for more than 7 years, in the 2.5 years of married life he has influenced me the most.  I joke the same way he does now,  I watch anime, I even happily eat onions and nacho cheese.  I'm like a new person.  So when I asked him yesterday how I have influenced him guess what he said?

"You made me more patient."  Geez thanks honey.

The thing about influence is that it can be felt in many ways, It can be that we simply "rub off" on someone, or it can be extended by consistent positive example.  Of course influence can be felt negatively too.

Something else I would say about influence is that it may be large or small.  More importantly, the size and scope of our influence is not directly related to the amount of effort or time exhausted with someone.

The greatest personal proof I have of this is of a story when I lived in Utah for a summer about a year after graduating from High School.  It was my first time living away from home and my first shot at supporting myself.    Actually the summer was mostly boring and lame but for a fun job and a couple family members who lived nearby (and one pretty awesome friend).

I went grocery shopping, and must have gone when I was hungry because I remember filling my cart with things I didn't need.  So when I arrived at the register and figured out that I didn't actually have the money for everything, I started pointing out things I didn't need.  Then the person behind me interrupted and asked to pay for everything I didn't have the money for.  I wish I could remember anything about this person, but to be honest I can't even remember if it was a man or a woman.  After all my interaction with them was about 90 seconds worth.

 I tried to decline, explaining it wasn't a big deal.  However This person went on to explain that once, someone helped them get through a rough time in a similar way and they had always wanted to do the same.  Suddenly my groceries became an important way for this person to pay it forward.  And now I was included in a line of people who had been helped and gone on to help others.  I felt an important responsibility to keep the line going.

And I have.  At various times in various places I have found ways to give to someone in need.  And every single time I think of that stranger in a grocery store.  They influenced me more than ninety seconds worth.

David O. Mckay said once, "There is no responsibility that no one can evade.  That is the effect of one's personal influence."

So why is influence a way of Christmas?  Because too many people are grumpy and rude this time of year.  Trust me on this one, I work at the mall.  How powerful is one polite gesture, even one smile?  How can you spread Christmas cheer and influence the world around you?

Sorry, this isn't a Christmas video, but its an old favorite of mine that illustrates the point wonderfully!

Way 3: Serve

The order of these first few ways of Christmas is intentional.  As we have remembered and acknowledged our blessings, one of the first desires we have is to serve others.  That is why the third way of Christmas is Serve.

Many of us have awesome traditions of service during the holiday season.  Whether helping out at a homeless shelter or even caroling at a retirement home, there is so much we can all do!

Today is all about getting out there and doing something for someone that they can not do for themselves.  Although often mistaken for it, serving is not the same as giving.  Serving requires more than a desire and a means, it requires your time, your skills, it requires you.

So this week I was so excited when a few of my awesome friends in my ward organized us and we went caroling.  We all meet together for "Girls Night" every Tuesday and I love it when someone suggests that we get out and go serve.  Of course, we had to pick a night when it was wet and rainy!

But we really had a blast!  It was fun, we got to visit between stops and it was so fun to see the surprise and excitement in the eyes of some of the people we visited.  Many of them will probably spend the holidays alone, so I hope it brought them some extra cheer!

What have you done to be of service this season?  If you haven't yet, think of something!  There is still time before Christmas and there are so many creative ways to be of service.  In fact, I would love to hear some of your favorite ideas here as comments!

Way 2: Acknowledge

Yep, still behind.  But its actually worked out well, because today is a perfect time for me to be writing about our 2nd way of Christmas: Acknowledge.  As we remembered the past and the gifts we have been given it is important, then, to recognize and acknowledge those who gave those gifts.

Things in the Houston home have been a little tight this year, especially as the semester is winding down and we are at the end of our student loans.  In addition, my 2 months between jobs and multiple car breakdowns have just about squeezed all we had out of us.

To help us hedge against this kind of thing we have been budgeting and using the envelope system where possible.  So for Christmas we had a nice envelope with the cash we were using for gifts.  I have carried it with me when I went shopping and kept it safe.  About a week ago we finished shopping for other family members and were down to our last $100.00 just to spend on the two of us. Its much more than we spent last year, but as we had saved it up for this purpose, I was excited that we could give each other nice gifts this year.

As I have said, money has been tight, and the less we touch our bank account, the better. So when, 2 days ago, I was at Costco, and had rung up a bill that was more than I planned on, (doesn't that always happen at Costco?) I reached for that envelope thinking it would be great to break up that large bill so it would be easier to use as I looked for Brent's gift(s).

The envelope was gone.

I had just seen it that morning in my purse at work, so I knew I hadn't left it at home.  I thought back to my steps throughout the day, did I ever take the envelope out? No. Did I ever leave my purse unattended? No.  Could I have dropped it somewhere?  Maybe.  But after walking aisle by aisle through all of Costco, the long walk through the parking lot, and about an hour of walking around the mall after work, I knew it would be almost impossible to find it.

I immediately called Loft to see if they could find it and they could not.  I went to customer service at Costco to see if anyone had turned in found money and they hadn't.  At this point I started going into minor shock.

How could I have lost $100.00?  Even in the best of circumstances that's a lot of money.  In our circumstances its too much to lose.  Of course I left my name and phone number at Costco, and drove straight back to the mall where I searched my locker at work and retraced my steps as much as possible.  No luck.

At this point maybe you are thinking now what I was thinking then:  "I'll go home and in my mailbox there will be some unexpected check for exactly $100.00 just waiting."  I mean only a week before we had declared ourselves full tithe payers and isn't that how the Lord works sometimes?

This is not one of those stories, but stick with me, it's a happy one.

So last night as we were in bed talking before we fell asleep, I told Brent how frustrated I was.  Why is it that since we have been married we can't seem to keep any savings?  Why is it that as soon as we start feeling a bit secure, disaster strikes?  Why can't we be one of those stories where the needed funds magically appear? Do blessings really come because of righteousness?  If so what have we been doing so wrong?

I even had the thought that maybe, I dropped the envelope and someone who really needed it found it.  But why would God use a poor man to care for a pauper?  I couldn't believe that.

Brent's advice was sound.  It always is.  He reminded me that we obey the law of tithing, not for the "blessings" we receive, but because it is a law. He told me that I should not only think about my frustrations and questions, but that I should study and pray about them.

So this morning when I woke up the first thing I did was go to lds.org and begin studying obedience.  I really love their study notebook and I was excited to use it!  As I did I came across a scripture I have read many times and it took new meaning for me.

  Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. 

                                                                                     Matthew 7:24-27

Through obedience, we are not promised that the weather will be fair.  We are not told that there will be no storm.  But through the torrent and the darkness we are promised that our foundation will be sure, and that our "house" will not fall.

This is a promise that has been kept.  We may not have excess right now, but we have enough.  We have shelter and food and many luxuries.  We each have jobs.  We have an awesome family.  We have the solid foundation of the gospel and we have each other.

Today's way of Christmas, to acknowledge is more than to simply remember and it is a step past recognizing.  It is to see the good in your life and to show gratitude to those who gave it goodness.  It can be done in many ways.  By thanking someone who has blessed you.  By resolving to make use of the gift.  By changing our attitude and behaviors.  Today, as we keep Christmas, I challenge you to acknowledge one gift or giver today.  Merry Christmas!

Tiffany

Day 1: Remember

I have for some time had a red, leather bound and gold embossed copy of  A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens in my collections for decorative purposes.  I determined this year to read it, when I saw it on my shelf. I have enjoyed it immensely!  It is a wonderful story and the written word of it is much more touching than any film version I've ever seen.

Assuming that everyone knows the story I wish only to point out a singular character who has always been of interest to me.  The Ghost of Christmas Past.  Described as looking like an old man and a young child at once, and emitting a bright light, this spirit takes Ebeneezer Scrooge on a tour of his past Christmases.

  Through this journey Scrooge's heart begins to soften, he recognizes not only the major regrets of his life, but learns that the smallest things he does can affect those around him.  Because of this first step he is able to eventually gain a desire to share Christmas with others, to help others and shows deep remorse for his wrong doings.

What a fantastic example of Remembering.  We are exhorted in the scriptures many times to do the same.  To remember our God, to remember where salvation comes from, to remember our nothingness.

Even a well known mantra of historians is that he who cannot remember the past is doomed to repeat it.

Christmas Beanies 2009?

There are many things we can remember at this time of year.  I think that is what makes this a time loved by all; that we hold dear those memories of loved ones and happiness that we have had in the past.

Lund Christmas Eve, 2010

What will I remember this year?  I remember dragging my mattress upstairs every December first to sleep in a ring of beds with my siblings for a month, a special Christmas tradition.  I remember the first time I had buttermilk syrup at Grandma's house for breakfast on Christmas morning.  I remember picking angels off the tree in the mall and getting so excited to buy gifts for those in need.  I remember my Dad crying when he just talked about The Other Wise Man.  I remember my favorite Christmas  story has always been The Gift of the Magi. Sadly I have no old pictures of Christmas...

Christmas on THE Square.

Snow Fall On Christmas 2008

But the thing I mustn't forget is the reason Christmas has become such a beloved time for giving recieving and rejoicing.  We must not forget the birth of our Savior.  The Son of God.

The Twelve Ways of Christmas

I have been brainstorming new ways to keep the Christmas Spirit in our home this year and in the future when we have kids.  As I have attended church and listened to carols I am more and more concerned that as a people we are edging out the true meaning of the season.  A great example of this is Black Friday.  The very day set aside for gratitude and thanksgiving for our plenty, is now just a day of gluttony and the eve of a shopping holiday.  Before I get off my high horse, I must admit that I LOVE Thanksgiving dinner and I totally went to Wal-mart to get me some cheap blu rays.

The point is not that buying things is evil.  Just that I want to find ways to keep the holidays, especially Christmas, in my heart.

I found something wonderful that I promptly pinned, but you can see it here.  Its called  the twelve ways of Christmas.  Doesn't that just sound wonderful?  The idea on this site was actually borrowed from another blog, and you can find the original at http://12waysofchristmas.blogspot.com/.

I know I'm already behind, but bear with me while I do multiple posts here on the first few days.

So with a little bit of tweaking I knew how I would keep Christmas this year.  And you may all keep it with me, if you choose, by checking up on us here!

Something that means a lot to me.

    Last night I kept Brent up late to watch reruns of the Republican Primary Debates.  We had a great time! I really enjoy watching these potential candidates defend their views and history and I like to see the little bits of personality you can glean between the campaign rhetoric.  Most of all I want to prepare myself for fulfilling one of the most important responsibilities given us in this country, voting.  :)
   Just before bed I signed on to Facebook to catch up on friends and family.  I often see posts or pictures of a political nature there or on Google+ and it sparked a conversation with Brent that kept him up even later.
   I find myself increasingly frustrated with people who, rather than discuss real policy or affect meaningful change, simply want to mud-sling and name-call those with differing views.   Or worse, people who spend no real time studying the topic at hand and instead parrot the uninformed (or intentionally misleading) media.
    I have a few requests to make of my friends, family and society at large.

Read at least 2 articles on a subject (preferably of opposing views) before thinking you know the story.
    If you really think that the Huffington Post is going to present the same story as the Washington Post, you've got another thing coming.  Doesn't wisdom require that you hear both sides of an argument before deciding where you stand?  Even better, listen to MSNBC and Fox News back to back and see what crumbs of truth you can get from those sources.
   Think how much time you spend reading product reviews before you buy something, deciding if the price is right, or if you can trust the claims made by the company.  Don't you always price check to make sure you're getting the best deal possible?  And yet we read one snippet from the media company of our choice and swallow it like kool-aid unaware that there may be better information out there.

Be skeptical of EVERY political statement made.  Both sides have agendas, can you see it?
    It is so frustrating when I hear people talk about the government being in the pocket of the big businesses on the right while conveniently leaving out mention of the big unions on the left.  I'm not saying I support either but I'm not under some delusion that all the people of my party are working for the good of humanity, and neither are all of yours.
    When I listen to proponents of conservatism rail on someone at Occupy Wall Street for being uneducated after playing a 10 second sound byte, I am fully aware that they picked the dumbest sounding 10 seconds and probably took it out of context to make their point.  Liberals play the same game!  Don't believe everything you hear.  Better yet, believe nothing without proof.  Search your heart, do your research and be just as skeptical of people who agree with you as those who do not.

Stop  all the name calling, class and party warfare and finger pointing.  That is just promoting ignorance.
     When I was young, my father taught me to refer to people not by their political parties(democrat or republican) but by their ideas and views (conservative or liberal).  All Republicans are not always and only conservative and all Democrats are not always and only liberal.  The point of this was to avoid creating a us/them feeling and to allow people to support what they believe in not just a party line.  So if I call you a liberal or even a socialist please don't take it as an insult, I don't mean it as one.
      Today, however I often feel so frustrated by people who take no time in listening to people and immediately group them into us's and them's. We are told that we should be divided according to beliefs, income, race or what party we are registered for. That all conservatives must be rich or that all blacks must be liberals. Why are we allowing this?  I find this most frustrating!  Are we really back in a school yard where people we are different from are subject to name calling?  I thought we were trying to stop bullying?  All this does is discourage people from making their own decisions because they are too afraid to be judged.  What we need is an environment where discussion is encouraged without insults being flung from both sides.
       Both of these pictures were posted in the last 24 hours by different friends of mine.  They are both mindless caricatures of something that is so much bigger and more complicated than either can hope to convey.
                                              I find this:

just as ignorant and irritating as this:

            Which brings me to my next point:

Try to see people as people, not entities.
        I may believe Obama is not making good choices for our country, I also believe he has done some skeevy things to push through legislation.  I do not, however believe he is trying to topple the country.  I bet he probably doing his best to do what he thinks is right.  He is a person with emotion and feeling and experience that has led him to make those choices.  I hope those choices are more about conscience than about money.
       Please give conservatives the same benefit of the doubt.  Yes, I know there are jerks out there on both sides of the spectrum who care more about their own gain than the harm they are doing to others, but they are not the rule they are the exception!  Of all my friends and family from various political parties  if find them to be educated, thinking and to really care about what they believe in.  To conservatives:  Liberals are not all uneducated hippies who want a socialist state.  To Liberals:  Conservatives are not all uneducated, gun happy cowboys who want to crush the little guy in their quest for riches.  We are all people who are doing our best for what we believe is right.  We need to humanize the discussion.

       
Don't assume that someone who disagrees with you is either evil or stupid.
      I hope I don't need to expound.  Enough said.  This should apply to all parts of life, not just politics.



I am not pretending that I wake up every morning and read 4 different papers and listen to NPR all the time. But I do try.  And I don't go around commenting on something I don't understand.  It's actually really scary for me to make political comments sometimes because even after reading about something I'm afraid I may not have all the information and a rarely trust any single source on anything.
  The point I am trying to make is simply that the truly educated listen before they think, and then they speak.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!!

Nope, not Christmas, Autumn!  And beautiful fall weather really put me in the mood! So I've decorated, plugged in my wallflower, and I even sent out invites for our annual carving party.  They are so cute and I really wanted to show them off! So if you want to come, consider this your invite!

Dont you love it?  Brent pointed out how creepy the cat is so, sorry about that...

Still to come: Pictures of our Halloween decor, which I am really excited about this year!

Tiffany