Faith and Infertility

Some of the people who read this already know that Brent and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 10 months now and have been unsuccessful. I realize ten months isn't all that long but it feels like it's been forever.

In addition to that I currently have 8 friends/family members that are pregnant along with a handful who just had cute little babies. I am so happy for these lucky women and their families. But I won't lie and say it isn't hard to watch sometimes.

One of the blessings I have enjoyed most of my life is that as I have gone through trials I have maintained a very close relationship to the Spirit and to my Heavenly Father. I have enjoyed open communication with Him and He with me. It has carried me through tough times and encouraged me when making tough decisions.

So when I tell you that this has been a hard 10 months, a big part of that is that I have felt distanced and alone and sometimes bitter. I'm honest. Don't judge.

Why? I think it has a lot to do with the fact that eventually "please bless that we can get pregnant" Didn't seem to feel right (and wasn't cutting it obviously). So it changed to "Help us to be able to start our family." But soon I just felt like He knew my heart, he knew what I wanted and I had already asked a lot. It didn't feel like something I should be asking for anymore.

Well then I didn't know what to say. I realize that I am the one that created that distance but just believe me that for a while I just didn't know how to talk to my Heavenly Father and I didn't feel like I could bridge that gap.

Last weekend I loved conference! because of my job at Gadabout and Brent's at CVS, we were only able to watch Sunday sessions. But we had some good friends over for breakfast and that helped me stay awake! One of the things I really took away with me was that the Lord knows best and that He wants us to be happy. I heard this message over and over. I'm not sure if it was really repeated that often but I know that the spirit was helping me to remember things I have known for years.

So on Tuesday afternoon I picked up the April copy of the Ensign magazine for some light reading and opened randomly to an article called: I Need the Every Hour By Elder Brent Nielson. The talk was on prayer and Elder Nielsen went through all the reasons we need to pray always and the blessings we receive by doing so. I read it thinking "wow, this is exactly what I needed to read today." I was touched by the Lord speaking to me through the words of his witnesses on Earth.

The next article I read, was about dating people with our standards but really about obedience to the Spirit. At the end of this article I started tearing up when i read the verse quoted from Isaiah


“For as the heavens are higher than
the earth, so are my ways higher than
your ways, and my thoughts than
your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8–9).


I knew that the Lord was reminding me that even through my struggles of wanting to be a parent and wondering why we haven't received that blessing, He really does know best. He wants me to be happy and his ways are higher than my ways of achieving that. I was being humbled and entreated to be submissive.

I really felt that this was written for me and I was so grateful to really hear the spirits voice again, and to deeply feel God's love for me. So as I turned the page and saw the next article:
Faith and Infertility, My whole body started shaking. I know that the Lord was speaking to me at that moment. I saw that He was reaching out to me through His word and telling me that He does know my heart. He cares for me.

Let me explain that as far as we know neither Brent or I are infertile. Its just been a long time that we've been trying. Most of my friends and family are the type who think about being pregnant and about 2 minutes later they are, so for me 10 months was unimaginable at first.

I also want to acknowledge the strong women I know who have tried for years unsuccessfully and are still left wanting. My heart is with these women daily and I know that my trial is small in comparison. Along with all the other difficulties that come with the desire and the struggle of having a healthy baby.

One of the things I loved about reading the last article I mentioned was that For once I heard other people, many other people sharing their feelings that were so close to mine. In the Society of the "mormon" Church its hard to escape feelings of inadequacy or unfulfillment if as a woman, your motherhood is challenged. It is important that we realize that not all families start of easily, healthily or happily. Sensitivity is key!

I will not go over the whole article here, but if you'd like to read it you can follow this link

I will share my favorite quote.
“When someone has an
ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a
blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who
aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected.
The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second
is faith-perfecting.”

My testimony has been strengthened of the Lord's love and awareness of me. I believe that my faith has been tested and I hope I can come out stronger!

lets be real people.

My lovely new job at Gadabout has been great in a lot of ways. Its so much fun to be back in a Salon environment where people are happy and friendly and loving. It is great to better myself as a stylist. I have already had some encouraging complements given by the educators there. And of course it is always good to be making money.

However my house is suffering! It is constantly a mess with no hot dinners and lots of dirty laundry! Hopefully I can change that soon. Today I washed two loads of laundry so far and am hoping to have time to finish one more and fold all of it. We'll see. First Im starting with some realistically small goals to make our life at home better:

1. Pray with Brent EVERY day. Even when Im really really tired and I have to wake up early the next morning.

2. through the course of the week get all the laundry done. and folded. and PUT AWAY

3. make dinner for Brent and I once a week.

4. Be on time and ready for work every morning.

Ok I realize these are basic. But thats all I can handle for the moment. Check in later for and update!

My New Hair

Ok well thanks for all your votes everyone! Thanks to one of my great friends that got married this weekend and another great friend who took the pictures at the wedding, I have some cute pictures of my Hair. Thanks to Mallory for making me look skinny and Brent look normal ;)

Ok well We don't look so normal here but its a great shot.

So rather than going for the hombre look i got some basic highlights. However we went much lighter than I've ever been. I am really happy with it! So thanks everyone!

Everybody Vote!

Ok everyone who reads my blog (like 4 people).

I am getting my hair done TOMORROW. Its been like 10 months since I've had it done by someone other than me and Im gonna play with something different.

Most of these are pretty similar, i realize, but there are subtle differences. Julia, for instance, has mostly dark hair with very little lightening on the ends. Ellen has highligts all the way up to the roots and the others have what is called an Ombre technique. Which one, if any do you think I should go for? Please leave your coments for me so I can go into this tomorrow with some feedback. I'll upload a picture of the finished product later!

A:B:
C:

D:
E:

A Week in The Life of My Honda

This is the story of a car and its girl.

Thursday, February 17th 2011

I drive to Mesa to see my family on a short "vacation" Only to have my car break down on the I-10 and completely short out, with no lights, after dark. Thankfully my awesome parents saved me, my Mom called AAA and my Dad came and picked me up. It was a long night.

Friday, February 18th

We had the car towed to Gunnells Tires in Mesa because Brent has an awesome uncle who takes care of our cars there. Unfortunately after a day of working on the car he was unable to determine the problem...

Saturday, Feb. 19th

Gunnells continues to work on the car, but with all their resources combined, they are still unsure of the problem. By the end of the second day. Still nothin. So they kindly towed my little Honda to Kelly Automotive down the street, where they have an electronics specialist.

Sunday, Feb. 20th

Because I had to start my new job on Monday, my wonderful Mom lent me her car to drive home to Tucson. She is an angel.

Monday, Feb 21st

Orientation at Gadabout goes well, but it has now been 4 days with no word on my car...

Tuesday, Feb 22nd

After trying a bunch of random fixes to see what caused the short in my car Kelly automotive is getting closer to finding the problem... we hope.

Wednesday, Feb. 23rd.

Although they dont know why, Kelly finally got the car working, only to suddenly have one of the windows stop working. They fixed that, sent the car back to Gunnells for new tires and gave it to my mom with instructions that we needed to get an alignment asap. At the gas station, Mom loses the gas cap, but after all her help, who could be mad about something so small? Brent drives back to Mesa to get the car even though he is super stressed with work and school at the time. I love him lots.

Thursday, Feb. 24th

I have my car back! Its been a week, but Its all better now. Or is it? On my way home from work the check engine light comes on! Also a few of the small indicators that there were problems before the break down come back!

Friday, Feb. 25th

First thing in the morning, Brent and I drive to the closest Honda dealership for repairs. I am done not knowing what is wrong here. Lets just get this fixed right already! Hopefully it will be fixed by the end of the day. Right. Later they call me to give me the LIST of what is wrong with my car. Of course I can't afford all of it, so we picked the most important repair and give them the go ahead. This should all be over tomorrow. We'll see.

Saturday, Feb. 26th

Until I call them at 5:30 I dont hear anything. Of course my car is not ready. But it WILL be done for sure on Monday.

Sunday, Feb. 27th.

Just waiting patiently...

Monday, Feb. 28th

When I call Honda at 2:30 the car is not quite done, but they offer to send a car to pick me up so I can get the car when it is ready.

At 5:00 I get a call. One of the parts they put in the car is malfunctioning. Just my luck. Hahaha this is getting ridiculous! Thankfully the nice Honda people sent me to enterprise to get a rental car on them. SO at the end of all this stuff my car is still not fixed! But im driving around in a red Toyota Prius till the time comes that I can get My lovely little Honda back home!

Only in Tucson

Well this is what we woke up to this morning!

I knew it was much more likely that we would get snow here because of the elevation. But seriously, this is Southern Arizona! The most I expected was to see a few flakes and watch them melt on the ground.

To be clear by the time we were up there was no snow in our area, but it covered the mountains! I only saw it as I was leaving to go visiting teaching, so I called Brent and made him go outside in the cold to look at it. We both enjoyed it!

Sadly by the time we were out of church at 4pm the mountains were about 65% brown again. Oh well it was fun while it lasted!

*these pictures were stolen off the internet from people who are well prepared with cameras :)

The Good Book(s)

As you can see with my fancy new design here. I've been feeling very inspired lately. Inspired to read again. Reading has always been one of my favorite hobbies but for a long time I only read a new book when JK Rowling told me to.

This last year however I have read a lot of fun great books! Some were rereads of old favorites but I branched out into some fun new stuff and I've really enjoyed it. Yesterday an old friend and I were talking about how important it is to read good books and she asked what some of my favorites were. Well, Darci, here's your list of my guilty pleasures from this past year:

1. Anything by Agatha Christie- There is a reason she is the most published author of all time.

2. Treasure Island- A true classic I had so much fun reading this book.

3. Crucial Conversations- More along the lines of a self-help book, this is one I pick up whenever I'm feeling frustrated, or like I don't know how to communicate. Its all about how to get through those conversations that are so important to any relationship, be it romantic, work related or otherwise. I have learned a lot about why I feel the way I do and how to see things from other perspectives.

4. The Chronicles of Narnia- What can I say about C.S. Lewis? I love his honesty and his sense of right and wrong.

5. Meeting Amazing Grace- This is a book I would recommend to anyone who is married. It is a fictional story with very distinct lessons about setting boundaries and coming through for the people who need us. It deals with the relationships we have with our in-laws.

6. Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover- Well about 90% of my family read this book this year and we all jumped on the bandwagon together. A very motivational book with great factoids and tips about making your money work for you and steps to getting out of debt.

7. I also reread 1-5 of the Harry Potter books. I actually got bored with number 5 though and never finished it. Amazingly enough, Harry is really annoying to me after about a million pages of him.

8. Just finished reading Jurassic Park- I was suprised when my Mom recommended this book to me. But I really enjoyed it! It was exciting, scary and surprisingly philosophical.

9. The Little Prince- This is a bad movie, but a delightful book! I was impressed at how profound this book is for being less than 200 pages.

10. Alice In Wonderland- You can see now that I have a thing for children's classics, but I want to make sure my kids get to read the best books when they are young and this is one of them. Yes its got a creepy factor to it, but Lewis Carroll is great at the genre of Literary Nonsense (yeah apparently it's a real thing).

In all this excitement I finally decided to go get myself a library card and I checked out a book I haven't read for a long time. Enders Game. I'm really excited to live through this one again!